Smitten. Allured. Desired: January 2006

Went to J8 to watch FEARLESS (Huo4 Yuan2 Jia3) yesterday with Kailing. Lucky we booked the tickets over the internet one day ago, it was really full house! Surprising huh, so many people in Singapore have nothing better to do, then watch movie to kill time, heh.

Dad and Mom also managed to book their tickets for "I Not Stupid Too" movie at J8 last minute! They only had seats left on the 4th row, man...dunno whether their necks strained anot. Haha!

Then after my movie, Kailing and I went back home (my home), chilled out by the poolside with drinks and chips! AND GIRL TALK. haha. till 3am! Yeah, tat's what I call quality time!

I also wanto watch "I Not Stupid Too" leh...... but I want to watch with YOU, yes YOU..... (U promised one leh~)

GONG XI GONG XI

Adding the finishing touches to the pot of KamQuat plant at home...which is a must-have for this season! Chinese New Year day 1 is not a busy day for me because I only visit one house and 2 temples. And I'm wearing the floral sundress Kailing got me for my 21st birthday! Hehe~

Checking on my Pussy Willows.....Heh.

We always visit paternal side relatives first! Here's Fiona Sis.

The whole gang of us....the cousins.

Malcolm and I~

Crimson and I....

Then it's my maternal side relatives back at home!

And just when everyone's focusing on the DVD movie......

I'm going to start piggin' out on my favourite Pineapple Tarts! Hehe!

If I have to be the devil, I will be.

If I have to sin, I will.

If I have to be selfish, I will.

If I have to hurt you, I will.

But that's because I think that's the best way out for you.

I'm in a state of confusion AGAIN.

I know it sounds terrible but I rather be truthful about it. I still cannot adapt to this kind of life! And it's not your fault. It really isn't. It's ME. I cannot overcome myself and I just can't!

Maybe you'll say I need MORE time. But I really don't know.

Love comes in many forms. I admit that I DO LOVE YOU, but I can't seem to reciprocate your kind of love for me.....Sometimes I think you "idolise" me instead, which makes you think you love me when you actually don't.

I do feel happy when I'm with you. I enjoy having your company, your jokes, your warm sudden hugs, your care, concern and everything else that you've done for me. I feel the sweetness when you tell me you miss me after a long hectic day and I really really appreciate it, but you know very well that I cannot give you the same amount as what you give me.

I even told you harshly that you won't be my final choice. But why are you still so nice towards me? Sometimes I rather you just give up on me and find a nice girl around you that loves you wholeheartedly. I really don't feel right because I know it's unfair to you, even though you've told me upteen times that you're ok with that.

Words can't express what exactly I feel, but I just wanto still let you know that I LOVE YOU in a way like a best friend, but not what you expect me of you. You're a real nice guy and I can't bear to hurt you.

You will always be the VIP in my heart, so special and irreplacable. Thank you for loving me, the unique bond between us will always be a special one.

1460 days.

Today's OT (Organisation Theory) class came a new lecturer. Well, I didn't really assess him even though Angela said his teaching was not bad. Anyway, class ended at 1pm and here I am, blogging and resting at home. Been out pretty late over the past few days so couldn't find time to blog about what happened recently.

I've just made a decision that requires me to probably make some adjustments to my lifestyle, especially to my freedom, hehe.

I really never imagined this day would come. Really. And I did tell you upteen times that you were out of my scope of choice, but I guess there must be something about you that has made me change my mind.

Honestly, I am pretty uncertain of the future and life after that. Everytime you come close, I can feel your warmth, but I don't know whether I can survive solely on that. Due to certain experiences, I haven't actually walked out of the shadow and I'm still a little wary, not to mention the focus on the ultimate goal of my life. But you have showed me your seriousness, confidence and sincerity, and so I would also put in my best effort to make this a worthwhile try. You know I'm gambling on it. It's still a risk at the end of the day because I know it's going to be tough on us. The pressures, the constraints, restrictions and considerations. But I guess we're going to try facing it together.

Opportunities only come for those who are prepared, and if you're prepared to overcome all odds, I would try too.

With regards to my feelings of uncertainty, prove me wrong ok? You said you would, and I'm taking your word for it.... =)

I made a big huge gigantic mammoth decision today which is going to totally affect my life.

I have made certain choices and given up some other things in return.

Today.

Phunk Funk

Here's some snapshots of my Singing Competition at Phunk Bar yesterday, 17 Jan 2006~
Justin and I(above). Just before the whole event started.

Phunk Bar's deco not very nice huh, this is by far, the best backdrop I can find. Heh.

OOH! Bestie JOY is here! FLOWERS somemore! I love you! I am, the superstar of the day, heh.

Ok, it's my turn. Come on man, zai3 abit!

Wang WanZhi's "Wo Zhen De Shou Shang Le". Did my performance of the song touch you?

Enjoying all the moments of performing. Heh. And with the loads of confidence that my friends gave me, I made sure morale was confident! Wanna take this opportunity to thank Joy for her time and thanks for taking so many pretty pictures! I owe you one! Thanks to Ivan Hee also, for coming down to support me. Thanks! =)

I WON! Whahaahaa....CHAMPION~~Wooh!

Here's a good look at the flowers Joy got me! =)

Ok, so the winner and the flowers put together which's prettier? Haha....

I am going for a singing competition at Phunk Bar tomorrow.

NOBODY is going down to watch or support me.

"I don't want to go alone..."

"Need entrance fee? Hehe..."

"I don't like that kind of place."

"I might have something on..."

"I'm busy with (blah blah blah) this week..."

"Only no confidence singers need supporters, you don't need lah.."

F-I-N-E. Maybe you all really are busy/ have something on/ financially tight..... (I shall give you the benefit of the doubt.)

Even my own family is not really supportive. Well, that's because it's held at such a place. Phunk BAR. Get it?

B-A-R.

But it's just a venue that the organiser chose to hold this event. And mind you, there IS media coverage from U-weekly, Teenage Magazine, Lianhe Wanbao and possibly Frementle Media. It's a big and small event at the same time. All I need to do, is win, and I'll probably get reporters coming after me for interviews or something.

Of course, this singing competition is secondary. The main event actually goes to the modelling competition which is also held at the same time and place. But who cares? You know me, I just want to enjoy any opportunity that I can perform for others to watch.

My competition is only 24 hrs away, and I'm also not trying to get anyone else down to support already, to prevent further disappointment. Here's the details, and if you can come, come. If cannot, then never mind. I'll understand. Thanks.

Date: 17 Jan 2006 (Tues)
Venue: Phunk Bar (11 Mohd Sultan Rd, beside Cheeky Monkey Bar)
Time: Doors open at 7pm, event starts at 7.30pm.
Cover: $20 (men), $18 (ladies) inclusive of 1 drink.
Event: Modelling Competition, Singing Competition, Performances by M5 artistes.

Legally Blonde

BREN'S IMAGE for 2006!

Haha...well, highlighting my hair was in my agenda...but the fringe was not. Heh. Doesn't look too bad I hope....

Went Supercuts at Compass Point. I totally left it to my stylist to decide what kind of colour to dye.

I got a shock of my life lor! It's very very brown. VERY VERY OBVIOUS. Dad says I look like Sun Wukong (Monkey God) so i guess you can imagine how blonde it is. Haha.

And she (stylist) encouraged me to cut fringe. Ok, I think she knows best so I left it to her again. Now super like "ah-girl". Heh. But I doubt I can maintain the fringe so I think I shall start clipping it up from tomorrow onwards. Haha.

Joy is absolutely correct.

Right. How can we blog or write about things if people were to judge and conclude about us based on what they read?

How can we narrate about events and add in our comments if it can be so easily misunderstood?

And how can we post our opinions and thoughts about others and not the least hurt them or put them to any insult and humiliation if they happen to be our faithful readers?

I can't please everyone. I shall be bold and I shall just blog about what I really want to talk about. I'm going to comment about YOU. Yes, all the Y-O-U-S out there, if there is a need.

And don't come back and ask me whether I'm talking about you. Conscience speaks. Let's just make this an indirect way of communication because it wouldn't be nice if I shoot all these words in your face.

*****

And to kick off, I shall start with this episode about Mr Hop. (Let's just call him Mr Hop)

Mr Hop, let me emphasise this AGAIN that YOU-DON'T-KNOW-ME!

Our friendship is barely 3 months old, and who are you to judge, assess and conclude on my character?

So don't give me sh*t like: "Brenda, you are this and that and this and that..." when you don't obviously know a single damn thing.

When I said S'porean drivers are friendly and courteous, why must you add in that I said that because I wanted to indirectly hint something else that'll look good on me?

Like "Do I have to do that?"

When I talked about weddings, why must you conclude on my feelings in that regard? Like what deep down yearning and all those nonsense?

You probably just love to conclude on every implicit thing that probably couldn't be clarified because you would simply cut in-between my sentences and say "You don't have to explain yourself."

Ok, so that spells the end of my thoughts and opinions. My character is then subjected to your formation because I don't have to explain myself what. Or rather, I can't! I don't need to further talk at all.

Alright. Whatever you say. Whatever. Anything. I don't want to start an argument.

This is just my opinion, which may not be your intention, but somehow it gives me this kind of feeling.

And I don't like it.

Call me emotional, sensitive or what, my character is subjected to your creation anyway right? Yes I don't have to explain myself further as usual. Heh.

Just hope this doesn't come across as an offence to you.